Who am I?
Good grief, Melodee, you’re 60 years old and you don’t know who you are!
That is the remark I heard one morning as I was lying in our bed and George was getting ready for work. You see, I had been quiet and he had asked me what I was thinking
I expressed that I was trying to figure out who I was — my role as mother wasn’t as prominent as it used to be as our sons were grown and out of the house. Was it that I was a seamstress for home interior designs? Who was I outside of the roles that I enjoyed? …..Or was it something deeper than that?
My Challenge was an Internal Struggle of Identity Because of Outside Expectations
I grew up in a fun and busy environment, but where there was a cloud of expectations both known and unknown that were hanging over my head. The known was that I was to perform a certain way, whatever the project may be for the day. I became a perfectionist using my natural gifts from the Heavenly Father of organization and observation to try and be one jump ahead of what was expected, so that I could receive an affirmation of praise for a job well done
This cloud of expectations did not disappear when I married, but rather grew to encompass my husband as well. When we made family choices for life and business that didn’t meet the expectations, there was condemnation
My Desire was to be Appreciated for who I was
In my “second act” of life I was still desiring to be affirmed and appreciated as a child of those who co-created me. “Surely by now at my age there is SOMETHING valuable in me that could be appreciated!”
Despite the bright sunshine of my husband’s love, I began to mentally dry up with bitterness and cynicism because my desire for parental affirmation had turned into MY expectation! It isn't a given that children will be appreciated by their parents
The big surprise came a year before my mother’s death when I was 58. One day while we came for a visit, my mother and I were alone in the living room my mother said, “Hurry up and become successful before I die so that I can see it.” I was taken back trying to respond flippantly “You mean I don’t have the same amount of time that you had.” She responded “You will never amass what your father and I have put together”
As I repeated the “offenses” of my origin nurture to myself over and over, my belief-in-self deteriorated. My capacity to function became very low. While my identity in the Only Begotten was being obscured by darkness, I was not left without being able to see Him in His creation (Romans 1:20). While I have always enjoyed gardening, during this season it was especially meaningful to me. My garden was nestled in between a pasture and a little summertime creek. As I nurtured my plants I was being nurtured by hearing the meadowlarks sing and the running water flowing along. I did not want to leave it as the nights were the worst as I couldn’t fall to sleep because of my feelings of low self-esteem and being “unsuccessful” . My chest would hurt so bad, it felt like I had a vice grip on it
The breakthrough came when I decided to pursue being an entrepreneur
I decided “This is enough. Since my children are grown I’m going to go get a job.” But then my practical side kicked in “You sojourn so far out in Timbuktu you would eat up all the profits in gas for your car. You better check out an online business.”
I found something I was interested in, so I joined. However, the training I began to receive was “YOU are YOUR OWN BRAND, you are not a representative of the products you sell. You sell YOU!” I was flabbergasted, “You’ve got to be kidding me; here I’m back to ‘who am I’! What do I have to offer people?…. ‘I can do this well, but….’ or ‘I’ve done this forever, but…..’.” I never ended up pursuing that business because the mindset things I was learning was helping me finally say “I’m okay where I’m at” and "I can be authentically me no matter what other people might think"
My Core Premise
As I continued my journey of releasing limiting beliefs and an identity based on others expectations, I developed a core premise which is Faith-based identity work is the fastest way to maximize self-love and potential with joy
For you see, I’ve found that people in EVERY age bracket of life are dealing with self-concept clarity in some form or another:
- Some have lost who they are just by simply participating in the daily grind of life;
- Some are wearing identity masks because of cultural, educational, or societal pressures;
- Some are doing well, but don’t realize their hesitation in moving towards their next big goal is caused by imposter syndrome
My Mission
I’m on a mission to help people become liberated from hampered identities and limiting beliefs, so they can maximize their relationships, performance, and personal joy
Whether you are motivated to take your already-positive impact to the next level or have hit rock bottom and have said “enough is enough”, I invite you to join me in some head trash identity cleanup. I invite you to join me on the journey of becoming our authentic selves living in purpose and joy without hesitation
